click the icon above to go directly to my page or add me: mzjujuB
Monday, August 31, 2009
click the icon above to go directly to my page or add me: mzjujuB
Saturday, July 25, 2009
therefore, at least for right now - hopefully not forever - this is farewell.
CHOW for NOW =)
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved."
Sunday, July 5, 2009
see the rest -->here<--
hope everyone had a fun & safe holiday!!
((tried to post this yesterday but my phone fuckin broke!!! grrhhhh!!!))
Thursday, July 2, 2009
i have never really felt so alone in my life. which is ironic becus i am a loner and usually do things on my own.. never had much family around ; always just kinda did for myself. but lately i have felt so alone. so sad. so lost & confused. as you all know i have been going thru hell and back lately. each day i think ; "its gotta be better today" & then something else happens. it doesnt stop. seriously. & i am not writing this post cus i want pity or to hear "it'll get better" - i know this already. i just feel myself slowly sinking into a depression and hate it. i need a hug.. i just need things to be 'okay' in my life again.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
When in doubt, just take the next small step.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
saw this on yahoo - thought it was hilarious ; i wanna go to robot heaven too! =)
read --> HERE <-- to check out the article.
pS. i ♥ BumbleBee in the movie! i want a robot like him to protect me! lol
thought i would pass this on to all my So.Cal/LA folks...
::Casting for actress/models who look great in bikinis for comedy reality pilot, shooting JULY 18-26th in Beverly Hills at an estate.
Series is about 2 Beverly Hills socialite/divorcees (one is co-founder of HERBALIFE Foundation) who face financial pressures in the recession and decide to open a high end V.I.P spa/holistic wellness center. If you happen to do anything in the healing arts as well as model swimsuits-- crystals, reiki, massage, kundalini yoga, etc. let us know in your email!
Several funny roles, we want gals who want to have fun with some improv comedy at the SPA OPENING PARTY scene on July 25th (afternoon) and other fun scenes. Audition will be this Thursday (July 2nd), email them if you want to audition but can't make it then.
PLEASE EMAIL FULL BINKIN SHOT, HEADSHOT, CONTACT INFO INCLUDING:
- OMP ID
TO TFENMORE@MAC.COM AND TFENMORE@YAHOO.COM
AND WRITE SUBJECT: "SPA MODEL CASTING"
PLEASE INCLUDE LINKS TO YOUR VIDEO IF YOU HAVE ANY ACTING REEL, ETC. NO PAY, FOOTAGE ONLY::
However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
Monday, June 29, 2009
most of you have been following me for a while & you know all about my car accident - blaah blah blah - all the BS that has followed it. so i just got back from my final court date for most of the shhht & let's just say they hit me w/ pretty much everything they could possibly hit me with.. but i am blessed because i was facing some serious jail time ; and he let me off of that - in return slapped my ass with every fee and punishment that could possibly be associated with my charges.. great huh? i almost was like daaayyyuumm never mind ; fuck it ; take my ass to jail!! haha.. but i couldnt do that to my babyboy or my fam so here i am, about to be broke as fuck paying California all my money hahah. ne who - wanted to say thanks to everyone for all your prayers & inspiration during this hard time.. it def payed off!
Friday, June 26, 2009
but today is a new day!!! carpe diem my loves!
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Michael Jackson has died at age 50 after being rushed to UCLA Medical Center.
Los Angeles Fire Department Capt. Steve Ruda told the L.A. Times that Jackson was not breathing when paramedics arrived at his home and CPR was performed.
TMZ.com reported that he may have suffered cardiac arrest.
You can find tons more info; just google it - or im sure the rumors & info will be flying around soon.
....so sad :(
If you lack the courage to start, you have already finished.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
ive been following these guyz for a while now and let me just say -- i LOVE their urban line; a few months back i entered a contest they were having and won a hoodie! woot woot cus i NEVER win anything hahah & let me tell you - i efffnnn LOVE this hoodie (pictured below) i wear it everywhere! no lie. perfect for california weather cus its not too thick and not too light. w/all the colors in the "Magic Hands" design it goes with anything i wanna throw on! The best part of [OWN] - well one of the best - is they are located right here in Southern California! if you havent checked them out; make sure you do - and follow their blog! show love cus they def deserve it! =)
website ----> click here.
blog ----> click here.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
okaayy - so my son [[Bryson]] wants to get his ears pierced for his birthday.. he will be turning 7 in a few weeks and this is all he wants for his birthday. now i have usually been against it and always told him no; but am starting to feel like he is getting older and if this is something he truly wants, why not; right??? back when i was his age, it wasn't really accepted too much for lil boys to have their ears pierced - but it seems now a days it is more and more common. i asked Brian his thoughts on this yesterday and he was very much against it and i couldn't really understand why ; cus he has his ears pierced, twice at that. lol so of course if he sees him w/ his ears pierced he wants it even more. He is worried about him not being able to properly clean them and them getting infected. My views on that are -- Bryson is a responsible kid, if he doesn't take the proper precautions to clean them correctly; he will have to deal with hurt infected ears.. not me. hah. now you know damn well if i had a girl and not a lil boy, nobody would have anything negative to say against it and would be all for it -- huh? lol
what are you views and thoughts on it? should i make him wait until he is old enuff to go do it himself... or go ahead and let him get it done for his birthday?? thx loves!!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
i have never in my life been treated like such a child in a workplace environment! this company is so damn cheap and busted! they dont provide ANY of our basic office supplies that a normal company would; the pay is SHHHHTTT ((note: i havent made this small of amount working at a job since i was 16yrs old)) and the COO is a stupid young axx prick who has something shoved up his ass and walks around like he is Jesus!
i have bit my tongue for so long cus i should be grateful i even have a job; RIGHT?! well wrong.. we are treated like some damn kindergardners in alternative school who have fxckked up all their lives! i hate this company & my job; someone please shoot me in the head to end my misery now; PLEASE!!!
wewh; just needed to vent and get that off my chest. Thank you for listening ;)
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
- so ive decided not to make my blog private as of now; too many genuine people out there to let the fuckin haterz phase ya girl. so im keeping it open; for now =)
we finally have ONE sonic drive-in in san diego; but psshhhh the line is STUPID long ((we waited over an hour and didnt even get across the street to the actual sonic)) and two chick-fil-a's but they are kinda far! think imma head there for lunch today ;) yummmmy!!!!
Monday, June 15, 2009
... another one of my favorite forwards i thought i would share =)
I Believe: That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other.
I Believe: That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I Believe: That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I Believe: That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I Believe: That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I Believe: That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I Believe: That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I Believe: That you can keep going long after you think you can't. (AMEN!)
I Believe: That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I Believe: That either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I Believe: That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I Believe: That money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I Believe: That my best friend and I, can do anything, or nothing and have the best time.
I Believe: That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.
I Believe: That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I Believe: That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I Believe: That it isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others. Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I Believe: That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I Believe: That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but, we are responsible for who we become.
I Believe: That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I Believe: Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I Believe: That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
I Believe: That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.
I Believe: That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I Believe: That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
So I was told today that I deserve everything bad that comes my way. Obviously I am a bad person and have done such horrible things I deserve everything I get. I admit; I have made my share of mistakes. But nobody deserves to have to go thru pain and emotional heartache. I found out last week, that because of my car accident and the events that happened w/ it I will more than likely be going to jail. Minimum 6 months for each case. that’s a year total; at least. Same day I found out that my grandma may have cancer. She is already about to undergo a trial surgery that has no proven facts that it will be a success, and is not only fighting for her life on a daily basis; but may also have cancer. But remember - I deserve all of this. Im about to loose my apt; I have no family here and no where to go. I am usually one to bit my tongue on situations that involve my personal life; but I don’t understand what I have done so wrong in life to continue to receive such pain and heartache. I have always been there for everyone I can and would give my last anything to help someone I care about or love; but I deserve to live a life of betrayal and hurt and pain? Maybe that person is right. Maybe I do deserve everything that comes my way. Maybe I don’t deserve to love or be loved. I have fought so hard for so long; but I give up. I have nothing left in me to fight for my life anymore. How can I be strong for my son who has no clue what’s going on when I cant even be strong for myself anymore? I have fought for my life for so many years and overcome more shit than the average person -- but I guess my trials and tribulations have only really begun. I guess I am destined to be miserable. So with that being said; I apologize to anyone I have ever hurt. I never meant to; I may seem like a hardass 99% of the time; but I really have a huge heart of gold -- that has now turned to coal. I cant continue to hurt the people I love so I will remove myself from the situations. I don’t know what to do anymore. My heart hurts.. My head hurts.. Im so hurt and confused… I just wish someone cared or loved me; but I guess I am “unlovable”..
Friday, June 12, 2009
after ready dizzy's blog i was inspired to come do some spring cleaning.. so ima clean up the blogs i follow.. i try to keep up w/ most of you and comment as regularly as i can.. but sometimes i dont have time to get to each and everyone of you.. and i have noticed some blogs when i visit; they havent posted anything for weeks; even months.. so w/that being said ima go unfollow some of these blogs; dont take it personal if i delete you from my following list.. i just want to be able to keep up w/ my personal favs and you just might not be one of those :) i know some of you will prob get butthurt and come unfollow me - owell - i will be okay. LoL.
chow for now loves!!
soooo im thinkin about taking bryson to go see this movie this weekend.. disney/pixar always seem to have the best movies and this is supposed to be their first movie in 3D which i would guess should be pretty good! i see its rated #2 at the boxoffice right now. has anyone else seen it so far? if so what are your thoughts/views on it? i know 3D movies are more expensive; and hell movies period are already stupidly priced.. so wanna make sure we will enjoy it before shelling out the bucks. haha. if we do go see it; i'll make sure to post my thoughts afterwards nd let ya guys know what we thought!
It's said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. So, yes, we know that snooping around our S.O.'s email account is a bad idea and that believing in the fairy-tale love stories we grew up reading is silly, but sometimes we find ourselves giving these relationship moves the ol' college try! The results? Not so successful. Plus, we start to feel unbalanced, and perhaps rightly so.
This point is this: there are certain relationship mistakes women make over and over again. Well, it's time to stop. We're declaring once and for all: let's quit! Quitters sometimes prosper, especially when lousy habits get left behind. Here's the list of relationship blunders we wish we ladies would stop making.
1. Thinking we'll never get over him. We will. Two months and several powdered donuts later... we'll feel better.
2. Hacking into email or phones looking for suspicious messages and then yelling at him for the "k thnx bye" text he sent to his female co-worker two months ago. "k thnx" is not code for "hot steamy sex." (Is it?)
3. Thinking our partners must be interested in everything we do, think and say. When it comes down to it, we zone out when men talk about circuit boards, right? Having a best friend or gab partner outside a relationship is a good thing.
4. Displacing. Freud was right with this one. If we're mad at him because he ate our tasty restaurant leftovers out of the fridge, tell him we're mad at him because he ate our tasty restaurant leftovers out of the fridge. Don't turn it into a commitment issue.
5. Putting so much energy into the idea of a fairy-tale romance that we're disappointed with anything less.
6. Waiting for someone to find us, instead of going out and finding someone ourselves.
7. Thinking that a perfect relationship should be easy. Relationships require work and compromise; a perfect relationship means doing those things well.
8. Dropping our friends when we're falling in love. Friends help define who we are, and we need them when things get tough.
9. Thinking that getting a boyfriend or husband will solve all our problems. No one can fix our lives for us!
10. Using the silent treatment. Our partners can't read our minds; he won't know what's wrong unless we sack up and tell him.
11. Not asking for what we want in bed. It can be as little as an appreciative moan when he does something good or as much as a frank discussion about our fantasies. Again, he can't read minds, and we'll both benefit from knowing what we find pleasurable.
12. Denying that there's a problem in our marriage or relationship, instead of facing it and asking ourselves what needs to be done. Problems don't usually go away on their own. Letting them fester only makes it worse.
13. Thinking that depending on someone else is a weakness. Leaning on someone else sometimes is the sign of a healthy relationship.
14. Over-analyzing. There's analysis and then there's over-analysis. Wondering why the fiance didn't call once during his bachelor weekend in Vegas? A legitimate case for analysis. Wondering why he only called twice and not three times during a guys' night out? Not so much.
15. Trying to reinvent the relationship wheel. If some items on this list feel cliche, it's because they are! If we would only listen to a good dose of love advice now and again, we'd probably save ourselves some heartache.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Thursday, June 4, 2009
hahaa; headed for VA in the am ♥ -- be back sunday night!!!
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
A sliced Carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye... And YES, science now shows carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes.
A Tomato has four chambers and is red. The heart has four chambers and is red. All of the research shows tomatoes are loaded with lycopene and are indeed pure heart and blood food.
Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape looks like a blood cell and all of the research today shows grapes are also profound heart and blood vitalizing food.
A Walnut looks like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums. Even the wrinkles or folds on the nut are just like the neo-cortex. We now know walnuts help develop more than three (3) dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function.
Kidney Beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and yes, they look exactly like the human kidneys.
Celery, Bok Choy, Rhubarb and many more look just like bones. These foods specifically target bone strength. Bones are 23% sodium and these foods are 23% sodium. If you don't have enough sodium in your diet, the body pulls it from the bones, thus making them weak. These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the body.
Avocados, Eggplant and Pears target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female - they look just like these organs. Today's research shows that when a woman eats one avocado a week, it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight, and prevents cervical cancers. And how profound is this? It takes exactly nine (9) months to grow an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit. There are over 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents of nutrition in each one of these foods (modern science has only studied and named about 141 of them).
Figs are full of seeds and hang in twos when they grow. Figs increase the mobility of male sperm and increase the numbers of Sperm as well, to overcome male sterility.
Sweet Potatoes look like the pancreas and actually balance the glycemic index of diabetics.
Olives assist the health and function of the ovaries
Oranges, Grapefruits, and other Citrus fruits look just like the mammary glands of the female and actually assist the health of the breasts and the movement of lymph in and out of the breasts.
Onions look like the body's cells. Today's research shows onions help clear waste materials from all of the body cells. They even produce tears which wash the epithelial layers of the eyes. A working companion, Garlic, also helps eliminate waste materials and dangerous free radicals from the body.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Love is as much of an object as an obsession; everybody wants it; everybody seeks it; but few ever achieve it.. those who do will cherish it; be lost in it; and among all, never... never forget it.
Love u Babe.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
so if you haven't entered yet;
to enter now!!!! x0x0.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
humm.. i think i might like change.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
random; i know. just felt like saying it. well hummm.. fig'd i would come ramble for a few minutes cus it's been a while since i have wrote an actual heartfelt blog. how's everyone doing?? hope everyone is staying up and positive and blessed. seems like i have lost touch with most of my fellow bloggers overtime. part my fault; part theirs as well. we all kinda fall back and forth on our personal blogs. nothing personal.. cus hey -- we gotta have a life too, right? lol. for my part; i apologize - been hella busy tryna get life on point lately.. only two of my fellow bloggers i keep usually in daily contact with - shouts out to my athena-boo (bFF fo' lyfe) who keeps me sane on a daily basis & steph aka jezebel james on her good dayz ;) but even she's fallen off the richter scale lately.. hummmm where ya at mamas??? havent really been in contact w/the a07 fam lately either. a tad; but not much - dauche has fallen off the face of the earth from my phone too :( no bueno! we used to chat non-stop on some occasions. still waiting to start that book club we talked abt; let me kno when ya ready chica! lol
anywho -- so life has started to pick itself back up for me, which is great. as easy as it would have been for me to loose focus; i didnt.. stayed strong and went harder than ever to regain control of my life. i def learned real quick who was real; who wasnt; whoz always gonna be there; and who is just plain full of shit. ((no offense)) - soooo i got a lil job right now; isn't the greatest.. doesnt pay the bills, but it is something which is better than nothing; ya digg!! just have to stay focus and keep looking cus i know something better is out there for me.. this is DEF NOT the end of the road for my career path, righhht here! lol
in other newz.. well hummm; guess there isn't too much other news! except stay on the lookout cus change is def in the process & there will be lots of POSITIVE changes in the near and distant future. i have been introduced to some new people who are already making moves happen in the direction i want & will prob end up becoming a part of that movement real soon.. i will def keep you posted loves..
enuff ramblings.. TTFN!
Sometimes you have to stop chasing your dreams and let them catch up with you.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Failures keeps You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
God keeps You Going
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
a woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong she is until you put her in hot water.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
oh; if you havent noticed i cancelled my myspace page.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
((scrolls to playlist song))
Saturday, April 18, 2009
so it's been exactly 14 days since we last met. i used to think i had to have you in my world every day. your toxins were vital to my daily existence. i thought you made me a better person. carefree; didn't give a fxck and took away all my problems whenever we were together.
but i was wrong. you took me to the lowest point i have ever experienced in my life. made me wanna give up on everything i had ever hoped and dreamed for. i had to sit back and evaluate the pros vs. cons with our relationship. lately the bad had def outweighed the good.
so i had to let you go. will you ever return? maybe one day. maybe not. but never will i let you control my world, my mind, my thoughts, my actions, my beliefs again. you had took over my entire night life and made me a different person. for the better i thought; but boy was i wrong.
i hit rock bottom after our last encounter and wasnt sure how to get up and recover from such an abusive relationship. but i have decided to get up and pick up the pieces where we had left off; dusting myself off as i become a better, stronger, wiser person since our last encounter.
due to the events that occurred because of our relationship; it def caused me to open my eyes. appreciate life. never take things for granted. as bad as you think things may be; they can always become worse - and you made me see that. so for that; i do thank you.
Until we meet again, x0x0.
((pS. for those who don't know this letter is to my dear former friend "alcohol"))
Friday, April 17, 2009
---> CLICK HERE <---- to go to the website
or go to www.jworklimited.com
Forgive everyone for everything. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone or holding grudges.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
okk don't even front; yal kno damn well as soon as they play this in da club yal gonna start doing it! psh; dallas texas is doing it - hahahaaa. even these stupid dances catch on & you kno it!
ok mind you; half them aint doing much in this video - but youtube it and you will see what im talkin abt...
one of my favorite forwards; thought i would share :)
1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for. (yessir)
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way. (awe, really?)
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you. (haha i agree)
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you. (smiles are contagious!)
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep. (hope he does!)
6. You mean the world to someone. (and they mean the world to ME!)
7. You are special and unique. (psssh; duh!)
8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you. (humm, idk abt that.. lol)
9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it. (despite all the negative from my wreck, it brought me and my baby closer together!)
10. When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look. (learned this the hard way)
11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks. (amen!)
Monday, April 13, 2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Hope everyone has a wonderful day w/your loved ones!
Saturday, April 11, 2009
okay i've been a lil late on listening to this; as you all know my life has been stupid crazy lately -- but i made sure to take the time out this morning and listen to his mixtape.
so imma b honest when i first downloaded it i honestly expected him to sound like every other rapper out right now with their own lil twist. but after listening to a few tracks; i do say I WAS IMPRESSED!!!
Now that I have gone thru and listenend to the whole mixtape; I got it on repeat on my iTunes. This is def some shzt I would cop and jamm to on a regular. And so should you!! If you haven't listened to it; you are hella late and should download it; let me kno what ya think!
Friday, April 10, 2009
"Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres".
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Thursday, April 9, 2009
so me and dauche have decided to start a book club :) yay!!!
the first book we are going to start on is "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" by Steve Harvey.
we will have more information to follow soon but wanted to see who was interested? for those of you in the area, we will get together after reading the book - discuss it; what did we like, didnt like, etc.. and those who are our long distant bloggers we will prob do a recap on blogger; then choose another book.
it should be fun and will def bring us girls together!
so who's down?? feel free to hit up me or dauche for more information in the meantime!
**pS - the book club is open to EVERYONE even if you aren't in the area; we decided we are gonna vlog about the books and meetings to keep everyone updated and informed and then for the ones who can't make meetings just post an update on your blog with your views and expressions regarding the book on your blog page! :)
so i got on my knees and prayed ; and asked the lord why was i still here?!
... then my son knocked on the door asking was i okay
so i got on my knees and prayed ; and asked the lord for a second chance..
... then i was reminded that i was given that chance when i survived the car accident
so i got on my knees and prayed ; and asked the lord to help save my family..
... then i was reminded today and given the signs i needed regarding that
so i got on my knees and prayed ; and asked the lord to bless me w/true genuine friends..
... then i realized the bad ones had already weeded themselves out while the good ones stuck around when i needed them the most
so i got on my knees and prayed ; and asked the lord if i was meant to stay here or to go back home..
... then i was offered a wonderful job opportunity today
so i got on my knees and prayed ; and asked the lord for guidance & forgiveness..
... then i woke up and everything seemed clear again, no more tears & no more fear
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Having a place to go - is a home; having someone to love - is a family.
keep whatever you THINK or have to say about me to your damn self. if you dont know the fuckin facts of what happened please save yourself from looking stupid and shut the fuck up and dont discuss my business with other people. you were NOT THERE when i got into my accident and therefore do NOT know what happened. only TWO people know exactly what happened; and i gaurantee YOU are not one of them. those two people are the ONLY two people who have been there for me thru it all. So please spare yourself the drama and looking like a child and do not text ME, BRIAN, or any of my other friends about what has gone on. If anyone would like to know, come to me yourself & maybe I will tell you - don't ask others cus I promise they don't know the facts. And for you childish female[s], get a life, your own friends and grow the fuck up.
Monday, April 6, 2009
omfg; if it isnt one thing - it is another!!! so yesterday i hit my ultimate low. i was in a car wreck and totalled my car. after the accident i called a friend to come get me. well instead of coming to get me she decides to call the police on me and i get to spend the night in jail. now after $1000 spent; i still have no car and now nothing. my life is a disaster. stay away from me. nothing good comes from me; i am useless in life. one of the true friends i thought i had and would always be there hurt me more than anything. i counted on her to be there for me; instead she throws my ass in jail. thanks ma; appreciate that.
on that note; i give up. every time i think things are going to turn around for me - i get hit harder. i have hit rock bottom now and don't know how to pick up the pieces and move on. why couldnt i have just died in the car accident? that's what i deserve. i have no purpose in life. no love. no friends. i have nobody or nothing and my son deserves so much more than me.
i am supposed to have an interview tomorrow. a wonderful job opportunity. i dont even know if i can go tho. i am a wreck. i have no car, no way to get here - nobody to watch bryson so i can go. i was supposed to wear a suit and was going to go buy one today. after me and my son walking around in this aweful heat all day trying to find a store to get something at and a few items of makeup (mind you; all of that was in my car) i had no luck. i give up. my arm hurts, my head hurts, the whole right side of my body aches and is bruised in parts. i dont know how to pick up the pieces of this and move on.
i do want to thank you brian for being the one person i could count on to come and get me and making sure i am okay. i know you hate me and i am a disappointment in life; but when i needed you yesterday as easy as it would have been for you to turn your back on me you didnt. you let me cry, vent, yell, sleep - everything i needed yesterday.
on a final note; i give up in life. i have tried and tried and tried. everything i love hates me. i cant do it anymore. im sorry.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
so i have been MIA lately; and kinda plan to continue to do that - those who know me well know what's going on.. things are looking up; i believe April is the start of a lot of new beginnings for me (thx Stef muahhh) i will be moving soon.. hopefully by this summer if everything continues to go as planned! woot woot. on a sad note; remember a few weeks ago when i mentioned hurting my ankle; well i spent the day @ the hospital getting xray'd and wrapped up - looks like i may have actually fractured my ankle! the dr says no heels or cute shoes for like 2months or imma end up breaking it; sssmmhhhhh - that's a chance i just may have to take! hahahhaa
anyways... just wanted to catch yal up briefly - im still on hiatus status for the most part; but i am alive hehe ;) chow!!!!
One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Friends are like balloons; once you let them go, you might not get them back.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Almost made you cry
Almost made you happy baby
Didnt I; didnt I
You almost had me thinkin'
You were turned around
But everybody knows
Almost doesnt count
Almost heard you saying
You were finally free
What was always missing for you baby
Youd found it in me
But you cant get to heaven
Half off the ground
Almost doesnt count
"a night full of passion can give you a lifetime of pain..
there's a thin line between love and hate."
hope it was worth it.
Thin Line Between Love and Hate.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
i have to do it. i have never in my life felt so unpretty; so unwanted; so alone; so depressed. its like i jes want to go to sleep and never wake up again..
but i cant...
i have a child who has nobody else but me. so in order for me to be able to get strong for him; i have to remove myself.
don't bother calling, texting, im'ing - i am removing myself from blogger, twitter, myspace, aim, my phone, the club; any and everything. i wont delete these things cus i hope to one day be strong enuff to return; but for now... this is farewell.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
make it go away..
so i am seriously thinking abt cancelling my blog page.. idk; i havent decided yet. i love my blog page and the fact i can come on here and talk abt anything and everything and you guys are always here for me no matter what. you dont judge or criticize; just simply read and comment and lift my spirits up. well lately i have been going thru so much; hell i am not gonna lie the past three months, possibly even four months have been soooo hard for me. i have been thru so much in these past few months; more than a lot of people go thru in a whole year! with each obstacle i think it has GOT TO GET BETTER from here; it WILL get better - and sure enough some other bullshit goes down. i swear its like it NEVER ends. my life seriously needs its own reality tv show. i feel like i live my life right; i am always there for people when they need it and always willing to lend a hand or whatever is needed. so why is it bad shxt keeps happening to me? do i not deserve to be happy as well? i have got to the point in life where i am even questioning my own existence in life. so with that i am falling back in life. i may not cancel this page, but i may not be as active as i usually am on it - so for that please forgive me in advance. i really just need time to sit back and reflect on life and figure out what i am going to do and how to get thru all this mess. i am trying to make some shxt work where i can move. i just need to get away. i dont feel welcomed or wanted here anymore; like i have somewhat exceeded my time limit here in san diego. so we shall see how that goes. last night i stayed in the house; did a lot of thinking - crying - reflecting. it was my girls bachlorette party; and im sorry i wasnt able to make it. my other girls all went out and they said they had a blast. i just couldnt do it. too many factors where going against me being out last night. i needed a night for me. don't forget tonite is the official pitbull afterparty at belo. so i will have to pull my shxt together and suck it up for the fam. there's gotta be brighter days around the corner.. until then; all i can do is hope and pray..
Friday, March 20, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
the same two lovers; all over each other
when it hurts; will we still see
what we got together; promise that we'll never
never ever be
temporary (not another) ; ordinary (uh uh)
we should change people's definition of love
so forget what you heard
the only way that this will work
is if you love me when it hurts...
for the rest check the playlist nd jes listen ---->
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Have you ever wanted something you couldn't have? and the thrill of the chase made you want that object or even that person, even more than you ever thought possible? Its like the saying goes, you always want what you cant have. But what if after the chase, and you work so hard to obtain your price, you get it - and you don’t want it anymore??
I feel like that’s how men are. You always want what you cant have. And once you get it, that person is useless to you. The thrill of the chase, the game, is no longer fun to you anymore. So then you feel you can dismiss your newfound object at your discretion. Or maybe it is not a newfound object. Maybe it is an old crush that will always have a lil part of your heart. You feel like you are strong; and have moved on from this person - until you see this person out and about or whatever and all those feelings that you thought you had pushed away come rushing back to you. You want this person - you NEED this person back in your life again. You start to question why did I ever let go in the first place?? So you work hard to get back with this person. You say all the right things and do all the right things, meanwhile knowing in your heart you are not ready to give up the games you have begun to take a liking to in life. Never realizing that this other person has feelings and emotions as well; that while you are playing your lil game - this person could be hurting. But you are blind to all this - for all you see is the prize at the end of the finish line.
So let’s say you start to win this “game” and then what? The closer you get to the end; the more you start to push away wondering what the heck did I jes get myself into? So you basically start to disappear. Well before you even start on this cat-mouse chase; remember that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Hold on to the things you value in life because once you let them go… they may never come back.
Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the one's who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.
Monday, March 16, 2009
May we never let the things we can't have, or don't have, or shouldn't have, spoil our enjoyment of the things we do have and can have. As we value our happiness let us not forget it, for one of the greatest lessons in life is learning to be happy without the things we cannot or should not have.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
pS. i sprained my ankle last night leaving the club ((all bad)) so am layin lowkey icin' it up with some TLC
Thursday, March 12, 2009
i aint never been no silly bitch; waiting to get rich
from a ni&&a's bank account
i have always had my own things; bought my own rings
not gonna let you catch me out
you should take a lesson from me; i aint the one to be
depending on someone else
i can run a scam before he can; better than a man
i always keep my game on this
Saturday, March 7, 2009
You lie the loudest when you lie to yourself.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge..