farewell;

all good things must come to an end, and it seems this may be the end for my blog - the motivation and inspiration have come to a halt; and honestly i have soo much going on in my life right now it isnt fair the way i neglect you poor blog.

therefore, at least for right now - hopefully not forever - this is farewell.

CHOW for NOW =)

gotta go.

i have to do it. i have never in my life felt so unpretty; so unwanted; so alone; so depressed. its like i jes want to go to sleep and never wake up again..

but i cant...

i have a child who has nobody else but me. so in order for me to be able to get strong for him; i have to remove myself.

don't bother calling, texting, im'ing - i am removing myself from blogger, twitter, myspace, aim, my phone, the club; any and everything. i wont delete these things cus i hope to one day be strong enuff to return; but for now... this is farewell.

farewell ; maybe?

so i am seriously thinking abt cancelling my blog page.. idk; i havent decided yet. i love my blog page and the fact i can come on here and talk abt anything and everything and you guys are always here for me no matter what. you dont judge or criticize; just simply read and comment and lift my spirits up. well lately i have been going thru so much; hell i am not gonna lie the past three months, possibly even four months have been soooo hard for me. i have been thru so much in these past few months; more than a lot of people go thru in a whole year! with each obstacle i think it has GOT TO GET BETTER from here; it WILL get better - and sure enough some other bullshit goes down. i swear its like it NEVER ends. my life seriously needs its own reality tv show. i feel like i live my life right; i am always there for people when they need it and always willing to lend a hand or whatever is needed. so why is it bad shxt keeps happening to me? do i not deserve to be happy as well? i have got to the point in life where i am even questioning my own existence in life. so with that i am falling back in life. i may not cancel this page, but i may not be as active as i usually am on it - so for that please forgive me in advance. i really just need time to sit back and reflect on life and figure out what i am going to do and how to get thru all this mess. i am trying to make some shxt work where i can move. i just need to get away. i dont feel welcomed or wanted here anymore; like i have somewhat exceeded my time limit here in san diego. so we shall see how that goes. last night i stayed in the house; did a lot of thinking - crying - reflecting. it was my girls bachlorette party; and im sorry i wasnt able to make it. my other girls all went out and they said they had a blast. i just couldnt do it. too many factors where going against me being out last night. i needed a night for me. don't forget tonite is the official pitbull afterparty at belo. so i will have to pull my shxt together and suck it up for the fam. there's gotta be brighter days around the corner.. until then; all i can do is hope and pray..