farewell ; maybe?

so i am seriously thinking abt cancelling my blog page.. idk; i havent decided yet. i love my blog page and the fact i can come on here and talk abt anything and everything and you guys are always here for me no matter what. you dont judge or criticize; just simply read and comment and lift my spirits up. well lately i have been going thru so much; hell i am not gonna lie the past three months, possibly even four months have been soooo hard for me. i have been thru so much in these past few months; more than a lot of people go thru in a whole year! with each obstacle i think it has GOT TO GET BETTER from here; it WILL get better - and sure enough some other bullshit goes down. i swear its like it NEVER ends. my life seriously needs its own reality tv show. i feel like i live my life right; i am always there for people when they need it and always willing to lend a hand or whatever is needed. so why is it bad shxt keeps happening to me? do i not deserve to be happy as well? i have got to the point in life where i am even questioning my own existence in life. so with that i am falling back in life. i may not cancel this page, but i may not be as active as i usually am on it - so for that please forgive me in advance. i really just need time to sit back and reflect on life and figure out what i am going to do and how to get thru all this mess. i am trying to make some shxt work where i can move. i just need to get away. i dont feel welcomed or wanted here anymore; like i have somewhat exceeded my time limit here in san diego. so we shall see how that goes. last night i stayed in the house; did a lot of thinking - crying - reflecting. it was my girls bachlorette party; and im sorry i wasnt able to make it. my other girls all went out and they said they had a blast. i just couldnt do it. too many factors where going against me being out last night. i needed a night for me. don't forget tonite is the official pitbull afterparty at belo. so i will have to pull my shxt together and suck it up for the fam. there's gotta be brighter days around the corner.. until then; all i can do is hope and pray..

UNT!TLED; life.

So life has been very confusing; yet good lately. I've been going thru so many changes and becoming a different person in so many ways. But I believe its all for the best. I am growing into a better, more spiritual woman. I have lost some friends ; but gained some wonderful ones as well. ((Shouts out to my new bff; athena christine - hehe))

Thinking about my thought for today really got me thinking. I truly believe some people are brought into your life for a reason, where others are merely there for a season. And there are def a few people I want to remain for a lifetime. I do not regret knowing any of the people I have met along my journey in life. I have gained and learned something with each experience. But sometimes we "outgrow" each other or the friendship ((or relationship for some of you guys)). There has to be a time in everyones life where you have to evaluate the situation and realize when to let go; or when to hold on tighter. Some people I have decided to let go in my life and after a deep meaningful conversation I had last night; I realized sometimes I need to hold on a little tighter and despite what I may be going thru make sure people never feel unappreciated. I would never want to loose someone I love or care about because I was too caught up in elimating the negative in my life; I forgot to stop and take time to appreciate the positive that still remains.

In the past year I have gone thru so much. I left all my friends and family back home to start a new life. A new family. It's such a scary thought when you think about it. I have accomplished more in the past year then some people do in a lifetime. I am proud for that. But sometimes I doubt myself. I forget to look at all that I have accomplished and worry about what I have not. I am my own worst critic. I miss everyone back home very much; but I feel I was brought here for a reason and despite some of the downfalls I have occured while out here; I wouldnt change it cus it only brought me closer to the people I love and the people who need to be in my life.

With all this being said I just wanted to say thank you for believing in me even when I forget to believe in myself and never giving up on me. I know I am not always the nicest person in the world (hummm.. okk we all know I dominate the "bitch" status majority of the time) but deep down I do have one of the most loving & giving hearts out there. God has brought you in my life for a reason; and for those of you who have stood thru the rain with me thru it all - I will never forget that. And for those of you who ran when shxt didn't go your way? I am still happy you were apart of my life for that season. I am the person I am today because of each and every one of you.

Til next time.. x0x0.