Monday, April 6, 2009

giving up.

omfg; if it isnt one thing - it is another!!! so yesterday i hit my ultimate low. i was in a car wreck and totalled my car. after the accident i called a friend to come get me. well instead of coming to get me she decides to call the police on me and i get to spend the night in jail. now after $1000 spent; i still have no car and now nothing. my life is a disaster. stay away from me. nothing good comes from me; i am useless in life. one of the true friends i thought i had and would always be there hurt me more than anything. i counted on her to be there for me; instead she throws my ass in jail. thanks ma; appreciate that.
on that note; i give up. every time i think things are going to turn around for me - i get hit harder. i have hit rock bottom now and don't know how to pick up the pieces and move on. why couldnt i have just died in the car accident? that's what i deserve. i have no purpose in life. no love. no friends. i have nobody or nothing and my son deserves so much more than me.
i am supposed to have an interview tomorrow. a wonderful job opportunity. i dont even know if i can go tho. i am a wreck. i have no car, no way to get here - nobody to watch bryson so i can go. i was supposed to wear a suit and was going to go buy one today. after me and my son walking around in this aweful heat all day trying to find a store to get something at and a few items of makeup (mind you; all of that was in my car) i had no luck. i give up. my arm hurts, my head hurts, the whole right side of my body aches and is bruised in parts. i dont know how to pick up the pieces of this and move on.
i do want to thank you brian for being the one person i could count on to come and get me and making sure i am okay. i know you hate me and i am a disappointment in life; but when i needed you yesterday as easy as it would have been for you to turn your back on me you didnt. you let me cry, vent, yell, sleep - everything i needed yesterday.
on a final note; i give up in life. i have tried and tried and tried. everything i love hates me. i cant do it anymore. im sorry.

11 comments:

Jillian said...

*sigh...big TEXAS HUG*

don't speak like that luv...i know right now all the cliche advice or words just aren't enough...but just know you don't give up...you aren't built like that, you are stronger than that...

i don't know you outside of this blog...but i do know that you are a beautiful strong woman..and you are the WORLD to that beautiful son of yours, and nobody can love him better or harder than you! So even when you feel like the world is failing you, he is right there loving you flaws and all...

don't give up JuJu baby...

Rai said...

OMG! That's fucking shady!
I'm feel a lot like this lately myself... it's not a good feeling.

But don't talk like that. You can't leave your son. =[

Tuotierugif >^..^<© said...

Omg I can't believe your friend did that to you! I hope your feeling better now? :(

Teesha said...

like they always say , you find out who your true friends are when you're in a time of need !! that's super grimey how she did that to you ..

i'm sorry about your accident =[ i'll be praying for you girlie ! cheer upppp

LipstickOne said...

no, no, no, no no!

honey! you have life because it is a gift that you deserve! how about that lil boy who would have to live without a mama? why do you think it gets harder? because it gets better.

pray girl.

talk to your maker because He is the only one that can help and he will give you strength.

don't give up. you can make it. if you can live another day. you can make it!

trust me!

Miss.Stefanie said...

Baby-Ive already told you how I feel about this...*Hugs*

Athena Christine. said...

Ooh now I know who you fought. Fuck that shady bitch. I wish I lived there to help you out. I'd watch B for you. Don't give up though mama, you know I got ya back even though we are in different cities. I love you and I'm here for you 100%. Just stay strong. As Uncle Lew said...Think Positive, Be Positive and Posititve will come; even if it takes a while for it to come. ;]

Milly said...

Your in my prayers Juju

Girl you are loved and you matter. Your little boy loves you with all his heart and needs you. You have stay strong and be positive, remember God gave you life for a purpose.

Have you ever read the secret? hit me up millyoblogspot@gmail.com

I wanna send you a book that changed my life when I was at all time low around this time last year

Love you girl Stay strong!

Milly said...

I came back to leave you with some words of wisdom and to let you know again that you are loved and that your life means something. Sometimes lifes knocks you down but you have to get back up and fight, you have to fight for yourself, fight for the ones that love you and fight for your future.

Heres a few quotes to lift your spirit and help motivate you

"A person cannot directly choose his circumstances, but he can choose his thoughts, and so indirectly, yet surely, shape his circumstances."


"Nothing on earth can stop the woman with the right mental attitude from achieving her goal; nothing on earth can help the woman with the wrong mental attitude"

"Do not wait; the time will never be 'just right.' Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along."

"We write our own destiny; we become what we do."

"One meets his destiny often in the road he takes to avoid it."

Stay Strong! Love ya!

DAUCHÉ said...

i need to talk to you...

Hustler In Lipgloss said...

hunni! Stay strong, i dont know your beliefs but god wont put you through anything he wont help you through. Try to stay positive

 
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