isomnia.

i came home today; numb and in a daze. finished off the drink and came to bed; pillow drenched in tears as i laid there asking the Lord why do i have to keep going thru this? why dont i deserve to find that person who will love me for my flaws and all? i put my all into this; and for what? to end up alone and hurt. you opened me up to love again when i thought it wasnt possible. but never again will i be that foolish. i am putting a chain and lock around my heart and closing her up. not only did you hurt me; u fooled my son which makes the situation even harder. he doesnt understand whats going on and expecting any minute for u to walk thru that door. he will realize one day that youve already took your last steps thru that doorway. so now i lay here with a bad case of isomnia. you keep rushing thru my mind. how unfair the situation is; how you can sit there and look me in the eyes and fill my head with hopes - dreams - promises; then rip them all away from me like it never meant anything to you in the first place. its like a paper cut; the shxt happens so fast and burns like a muthafxckka but there wasnt much i could do to prevent it and not much i can do to heal it. only time and a lil "tlc" will mend it. u said u were my best friend; that you'd always be there for me and never leave. i guess i jes have the worse luck with friends. if a best friend makes me feel like this; i'd rather be alone for eternity. so now i lay here; cant sleep.. not even knowing what else to think.